Should Women Change Their Names When They Marry?  

February 24, 2002

The answer is yes. Women should change their names when they marry. For 16 years I have been working to strengthen and under-gird the family. During those years it has been made clear to me that “getting married” is not just a couple inviting family and friends over for a big gathering. Marriage is a sacred bond. Marriage is the first institution that God ordained and it was created to be a life long union in order to produce stable families on the earth.

For a women to step up to the alter of marriage with the idea firmly planted in her mind that she will refuse to take her husband’s name is actively seeking an avenue by which to redefine the meaning of marriage. It is a slap at marriage. Why take such a major step with such a weak commitment? The fact is married people are healthier, more content, and more financially secure. Research on this is irrefutable. Also, marriage has existed since civilization began and numerous studies on civilizations will tell you that when societies venture away from the sacred union of marriage, the society disintegrates from within. Research proves marriage produces lower crime rates, less poverty, less teen pregnancy and less drug abuse.

What is interesting about marriage that many forget is that both parties’ name changes as they take on a segment of the other person’s name. They become “Mr. and Mrs.” This title identifies each as having joined the other. What they have said is that from now on we will live and function as one and promise in saying their vows that they will honor their commitment.

The revolt against marriage that we as a people have experienced over the last 50 years has taken its toll on our children and we are paying a high price. More than three decades of studies reveal that children raised in households with married parents fare better than children in any other circumstances.

I find for the most part that many women refusing to change their last names when they marry are looking for an escape clause in the contract of man instead of a commitment until “death do us part” in the covenant of God. Since there is an epidemic of divorce in our nation that is destroying marriages and families, wouldn’t it be more advantageous for all involved to begin marriage doing everything possible to strengthen the relationship? Are those women who refuse to take their husband’s name keeping divorce as an option for later? Divorce is ugly business. Everyone loses. Life is not made simple by divorce. Actually, life becomes more complicated.

The woman who rejects her husband’s name is saying: “I marry the person I love, but I can end it any time I feel like it.” The woman who takes her husband’s name is saying: “I love the person I marry, and I have a commitment regardless of how I feel.